My heart kept its own time

Atrial fibrillation doesn't look like anything from the outside. I'd be in a meeting and my heart would start racing for no reason — then slow down, then skip. Everyone saw a calm, capable man. Inside, I was holding on to the desk so my hands wouldn't shake. The invalidation was almost worse than the arrhythmia. 'You seem fine to me,' my first cardiologist said. So I stopped mentioning it. For two years I carried it alone. Walking helped. Not because it fixed anything, but because it gave the fear somewhere to go. Every step was proof that my heart, irregular as it is, still carries me forward.